the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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