Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
