marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
