I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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