I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
