I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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