I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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