So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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