The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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