Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
