Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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