it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
