Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
