My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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