you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
