I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
