She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh god it's open bar.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
