At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
