Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
