I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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