i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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