Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
