I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
