You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
