Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize