somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
