Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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