Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
