I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
