Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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