When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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