I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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