the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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