Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
