why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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