I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
