i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
