dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
