there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
