Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
