So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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