ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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