You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the day after is always just damage control
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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