Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
