You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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