There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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