My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
