and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
