so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
