3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
