I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
