I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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