I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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