my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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