my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
