thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
