I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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