Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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