tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
