She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
