Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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