When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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