and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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