It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
