some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
