WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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