dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
