I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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