I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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