We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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