Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
