im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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