Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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