Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
