i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
