yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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