You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
