Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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