i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
