just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
