i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
