we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
