you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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