ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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