capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
