Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
