conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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