I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
