so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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