I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
