dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
