i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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