Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
