you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
