I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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