get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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